I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to rebuild my life, from the ground up.
It’s not that I build bad houses; I have a great foundation. It just seems like the universe is hell bent on tearing down my house. Mother Nature, God, The Moon Goddess…. They are destroying my homes. And each time they do, I have to rebuild.
You would think having to do that maybe once would be enough. Twice, thanks, that’s enough!!
But I, over and over again, have had to rebuild my life and my identity. I’ve had to grieve the loss of previous lives.
I lost a vivacious and vibrant pre-2008 me to mental illness. It took three years to rebuild that.
I lost my career. In the blink of an eye, my job was gone. I left work one day, fully intending to return, and never went back. Instead, I was put on this path of a body that hates me and chronic illness.
I lost private practice me. A therapist, out there, in the world, making a difference.
I lost the young me, the child Cait, before I even knew her.
I know what it’s like to experience loss—parents, jobs, health. I know what it’s like to have to rebuild when life has battered and beaten your home so the only thing left is the foundation.
But, here’s the catch.
If you have a good foundation, you can rebuild.
If you have a good support system, you can rebuild.
If you have resiliency in you (which we all do), you can rebuild.
There are lots of qualities that allow a person to rebuild, yet one quality so precious that without it, the whole foundation is cracked.
And sometimes it comes to us in weird ways, ways we would have never expected. You don’t always know what you are hoping for until it comes along.
The universe is made up of energy.
And it is our energy, that we put out into the world, that comes back to us.
Put good out into the world. Get good back.
Seems simple, right?
I’ve put so much good into the world, and I’ve gotten a lot of really bad stuff in my life. But I keep putting the good energy out there, each day, to anyone I can, a smile, a simple conversation or comment…. Because I know it will come back to me one day.
And one day, when you aren’t expecting it, that good will come back to you. And that little flicker, the candle weathering the storm in your window, will grow and grow, lighting up the whole house and driving away the forces that threaten it.
Hope is the key to all.
If you’ve lost hope, find something to put your hope into.
I didn’t even know I’d lost hope until my sister pointed it out to me. And I didn’t realize what it was like to have true hope, true excitement again until recently. I was put on this path for a reason. People are put in my life for a reason and vice versa.
And God, or Mother Nature or The Moon Goddess or Buddha or whatever your higher power is, s/he sees you. And s/he knows that you are struggling. And just when you are about to give up, as long as you continue to put your good forward, hope will spring.
Winter will fade.
The storms will weaken.
Dawn will break.
The sun will come out, and your home, still intact on that strong foundation, will have survived. It might be damaged. It could be a little damaged or it could be a lot.
But that matters not.
You will rebuild.
And if you have to rebuild, but you feel like you’ve done it a million times and it’s not working, look at your foundation. Look at the people in your life. Look at your energy and your time and your efforts. Maybe make some improvements to your foundation, and then the rebuilding will be easier.
Despite everything I’ve lost, despite all of the challenges I’ve faced—I have hope. Sometimes I can’t find it, and I need help. Sometimes it’s dim. And sometimes it’s a roaring inferno of hope.
Wherever you find your hope, however it comes to you… hold on to it. Appreciate it. Embrace it.
Life is full of ups and downs, but we are Warriors.
And Warriors always rebuild. They never give up, they never surrender (Thank you, Tim Allen).
Remember that: You are a Warrior. You are strong. You are resilient. You are courageous. You matter.
It springs eternal.