When you are and have been feeling so good for a few days, you forget that spoonie part of your life. You forget that you have limitations, that things cost spoons. You go and you go, and you have a blast doing it.
Yesterday, I went to lunch and walked around a bookstore. My uncle picked me up; I had a great time.
Today I have a gathering to attend.
I hopped in the shower like it was no big deal, didn’t even bother to bring my In Case Of Emergency because I felt so good. I didn’t worry about falling; I didn’t worry about washing my hair AND shaving because I was no longer a spoonie.
That’s the trap that I, and every spoonie, falls into.
We do occasionally have good days. Even a few good days in a row or a good week! We long for those good days. We put up with the bad for the good. We go through the bad because we know there is going to be a good day eventually.
But then we have a good day. And if you are lucky and have a few in a row, you start to forget you are a spoonie. You start to feel “normal.”
And therein lies the trap.
Spoonies will always be spoonies. We might have a few good days, or even a week or a month, but we are spoonies. It always comes back.
Mine started to come some time towards the end of the shower. I realized I was crashing. I quickly finished up, wrapped myself in my giant ass towel, and high tailed it to bed, where I’ve been ever since.
I didn’t even think twice about the shower or how many spoons it would cost me because I was feeling so good.
And it ended up costing me a lot of spoons. And now I still have a gathering to attend.
I haven’t moved off this spot since I got out of the shower. I haven’t gotten dressed, although I did manage to brush my hair. I used up a good amount of spoons, that I needed for today, on a shower.
I forgot how incredibly exhausting showers are. I forgot that I had limited spoons and limited energy, and I fell into the trap.
If you give a Spoonie too many spoons, they will spend all of them and go into spoon debt and then have to recover for the next however long.
Welcome to the Spoon Club. Take a number and have a seat.
***Update: I didn’t go to the gathering. So many other things I have to save spoons for, like a weekend with my love and starting training for my new adventure on Monday. Chronic Illness, you win again.****